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A Note from Linda ...

He says. She says...

Do the different styles of how men and women communicate really create a gender gap in how we perceive the other?

I asked my good friend and colleague, Jane Stimmler, author of Breaking Into the Boy's Club (2009) if this is really so. As you will read in today's ezine, Jane backs her response with research and data that makes it all very clear - to both sexes.

What have you discovered about communication styles when dealing with the opposite sex?

My best,
Linda Yaffe
Certified Executive Coach

"We all speak different languages…style differences are especially noticeable between genders." -- Deborah Tannen, Ph.D. Author, Professor & Lecturer

Are You Communicating with the Opposite Gender?

Of all the differences between genders in the workplace, perhaps the most obvious is the stark contrast in the ways women and men communicate. And, in surveys that poll men and women about workplace style, while they may express differing opinions about many things - men and women seem to agree almost unanimously that they have vastly different communication styles.

As an example, think about the way women and men report information. Women frequently go into more detail about people, setting, context, drama and inner meaning. Men often skim the surface, touching on a topic and then moving on. This can create challenges in the workplace as men and women work together as business colleagues. By each gender gaining an understanding of the style of the other, more positive and productive communication can be achieved. It is also important for men and women to understand how their styles of communication may be perceived by others. Without gauging their styles and perhaps making necessary adjustments, opportunities can be lost and progress impeded without the parties even understanding the reasons.

This is because communication styles are often misconstrued. Research shows that, especially in male-dominated business cultures, women have difficulty being "heard" and getting their ideas across. In addition, they frequently find that there is a narrow band of acceptable behavior. A woman who responds to being interrupted constantly by her male colleagues by interrupting them can be seen as pushy, but a woman who politely waits in a meeting to be called on and never speaks up is seen as weak.

Men, on the other hand, who display confidence in meetings may be seen by their female colleagues as guilty of bragging. And, women often view a male who short-circuits conversation because he's focused on a project as rude. In these cases, the men are working in a style that is comfortable and familiar to them, while the women perceive it differently.

The chart below looks at the "Catch 22's" of communicating with the opposite gender. On the left are some examples of the way women and men view their own behavior, and the right column shows the way it may be seen by the other gender. Do any of these seem familiar?

*from Breaking Into the Boys' Club

Think about these issues and their potential to create mistaken impressions and see if you are tempted to make any changes to your own communication style. While men and women have different styles for sure, each can learn something by understanding the other better.

*****
Jane Stimmler is CEO of The Marketing Edge, a marketing communications consulting firm and is an author of Breaking Into the Boys' Club (2009).

WorkingMatters' principal, Linda Yaffe, a Leadership Development and Certified Executive Coach, uses her senior and executive level management experience to help you achieve your business and career goals.

Whether you are jump-starting a business, advancing your career, an executive or president, Linda’s coaching expertise will provide you with the essential focus, skills and behaviors needed to perform, advance and lead in today’s business environment.

As well, Linda works closely with companies like yours focused on "high potential grooming and leadership performance enhancement" geared toward your top talent and next generation of leaders.

Linda delivers bottom-line benefits to individuals and organizations focused on moving to the highest levels of learning, performance and achievement.

In addition to coaching, Linda delivers Leadership Workshops to small and large businesses.

Linda abides by the strict code of confidentiality and adheres to the highest standard of ethics in accordance with the International Coach Federation.

For more information, please contact Linda by email at LYaffe@WorkingMatters.com