Working Matters
| Home | Meet Your Coach | Workshops | Personal Branding | Personal Branding Quiz | Newsletter Archives | Contact |
| Join me on: |
|
|
|
|
215.564.3608 |
.png){kind=icon}
|
.................................................. |
A Note from Linda ... A few weeks ago I read Marshall Goldsmith's book, What Got You Here Won't Get You There. As an executive coach, Marshall has worked with some of the most influential leaders in Fortune 500 companies. His powerful approach to leadership and executive development is straight on, practical and honest. In his book, Marshall identifies the top twenty interpersonal behaviors that often stop executives from moving to their next level of achievement. In teaching the strategies to reverse these specific flaws and negative behaviors, Marshall interlaces the notion of gratitude and how saying "Thank you" plays a role in helping us change for the better. Like Marshall, I too stand behind the belief that gratitude is powerful. For this month's article, I am sharing Goldsmith's words on mastering this essential skill by quoting from his book. How do you rate when it comes to offering gratitude? My best, "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." -- William Arthur Ward THANKING Thanking works because it expresses one of our most basic emotions: gratitude. Gratitude is not an abstraction. It's a genuine emotion, which cannot be expected or exacted. You either feel it or you don't. But when someone does something nice for you, they expect gratitude - and they think less of you for withholding it. Just think about the last time you gave someone a gift. If they forgot to thank you for it, how did you feel about them? Fine humane being? Or ungrateful s.o.b.? Gratitude is a complex emotion – and therefore can be complicated to express. It is frequently interpreted as submissive behavior, slightly humiliating. This may explain why parents must constantly remind their children to say, "thank you." It's one of the last and hardest things to teach naturally rebellious kids. One other thing: Saying "thank you" is a crucial feature of etiquette and being mannerly. As with most rules of etiquette, it can become formulaic; it doesn't have to be sincere. We use that phrase all day long without thinking, often as a form of punctuation in conversation. For example, we'll say "thank you" on the phone call to end the conversation. We may not be conscious that "thank you" in this context really means "We're done here. Now please stop talking." But such is the polite power of "Thank you" that people always obey. The best thing about saying "Thank you" is that it creates closure in any potentially explosive discussion. What can you say after someone thanks you? You can't argue with them. You can't try to prove them wrong. You can't trump them or get angry or ignore them. The only response is to utter two of the most gracious, inviting, and sweet words in the language; "You're welcome." It's music to anyone's ears. Start regarding gratitude as an asset and get used to saying "Thank you." Here's an exercise to get you started. No matter how far along you are in life, think about your career. Who are the people most responsible for your success? Write down the first 25 names that come to mind. Ask yourself, "Have I ever told them how grateful I am for their help.?" If you're like the rest of us, you probably have fallen short in this area. Before you do anything else write each of these people a thank you note. This isn't just an exercise in making yourself and other people feel good (although that's a worthwhile therapeutic). Writing a thank you note forces you to confront the humbling fact that you have not achieved your success alone. You had help along the way. More important, it forces you to identify your strengths and weaknesses. After all, when you thank people for helping you, you're admitting that you needed help in the first place – which is one way to pinpoint your deficiencies. If you didn't need to improve in a specific area, you wouldn't have needed another person's help. Think of it as a thank you note's side benefit; it helps you identify your old weak spots (which may still be weaker than you think). As I write these words, it occurs to me that telling people to write thank you notes is obvious, almost trite. But it's incredible how neglected a practice thanking is. None of us can ever do it enough. Eventually, you'll come to see that expressing gratitude is a talent – a talent that goes hand in hand with wisdom and self-knowledge and maturity. A lawyer friend was arguing a case in front of a state Supreme Court justice. He didn't win the case, but afterwards the judge took him aside and praised him for the quality of writing in his briefs. "They were a pleasure to read," said the judge, "even if they weren't ultimately persuasive." My friend thanked the judge and explained that he owed his writing skill to an English professor during his undergraduate years at Notre Dame. The professor had taken him aside and in a dozen sessions forced him to write succinctly. "Did you ever thank him?" asked the wise judge. "No," said my friend. "I haven't talked to him in twenty years." "Maybe you should," said the judge. That night he wrote to the professor, still teaching at Notre Dame, and told him the whole story in a thank you note. A week later the professor wrote back, congratulating my friend on the timeliness of his note. The professor had been slogging through dozens of term papers, questioning the value of reading them and grading them. "Your note," he wrote, "reminded me that what I'm doing has worth." That's the beauty and grace of a thank you note. If you can get an A+ in gratitude, nothing bad will ever come of it. Only good. What Got You Here Won't Get You There |
|
Whether you are jump-starting a business, advancing your career, an executive or president, Linda’s coaching expertise will provide you with the essential focus, skills and behaviors needed to perform, advance and lead in today’s business environment. As well, Linda works closely with companies like yours focused on "high potential grooming and leadership performance enhancement" geared toward your top talent and next generation of leaders. Linda delivers bottom-line benefits to individuals and organizations focused on moving to the highest levels of learning, performance and achievement. In addition to coaching, Linda delivers Leadership Workshops to small and large businesses. Linda abides by the strict code of confidentiality and adheres to the highest standard of ethics in accordance with the International Coach Federation. For more information, please contact Linda by email at LYaffe@WorkingMatters.com |
© 2010 WorkingMatters Web site design by Quantum-Think Web site has been optimized for Internet Explorer 8 and Firefox 3.5.7